Modern Dating: Article 3

When getting over a very loved and recent boyfriend there are a few different types of cries you will have to endure. Some people have a mathematical formula for how long it should take to get over an ex. Personally, I think it depends on the relationship itself, what happened between you two and how long you’ve been together. Thus, there is no right or wrong time frame. After 5 years with FML I needed to do things differently, I was trying to avoid several serious cry’s I knew were coming.

After 3 weeks I started to feel it and today I cried about it for the first time since it happened. I call it the “Oh my god, he’s gone.” cry. Women tend to be more emotional about things that men probably don’t even think about, which sucks ladies I know but its just true. I like to limit how much or how long I cry for, a couple minutes is fine, once I go past 10, it’s time to get up and go do something else. After 5 years I think I’ve learned what is and isn’t worth being hurt over, what their behavior is really saying and how to handle it. If FML actually went to a therapist guaranteed he’d get diagnosed with several disorders, but he won’t and I won’t so we have to live with each other’s disorders.

Another type of cry that is coming after your breakup- “the my bed is empty without you.” cry. I suffer from a slight rage component with this one as well. I’ll wake up in a bad mood, for whatever reason, once or twice I woke up crying, just wanting to go back to sleep or just wanting him to be there, holding me in his arms, kissing my forehead. Which is where the slight rage component comes in because he hurt me which is why he’s not there but I’m still hurt because I want him there and than I’m mad at myself for still wanting him after that. Like I said I won’t get help for my disorders either.

Another type of cry to expect- “is he sleeping with someone else cry.” Whether or not it’s true, be prepared, this ones actually the hardest because it comes with a form of acceptance that sucks to live with. If you can’t accept what is happening, accept why are crying, accept what they are doing, you will fall victim to your mind’s mind games. Our brains have no problem turning against ourselves but struggle to turn on the person whose hurting us. Is it cause love blinds us? Perhaps. Our brains lie to us to make us feel better, it creates fantasies and puts people on pedestals that maybe they never deserved.

My friend Courtney was having her own problems at the time I contemplated this, her ex called her crying, wanting her back, she’s engaged to someone else, she cried because he left her for someone else but she knows she wants him. Her kids are happy, celebrating birthdays while mommy and daddy are celebrating a divorce, neither of them seem to really want. On my friend’s list she’s probably top for people I can’t give advice to, because the whole situation is messy.

Life gets messy and than we cry.


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