You know for the past couple months I kept thinking “I’m old now, I should give up these teenage dreams and settle. I’m old.” A lot of this, in my theory, is when you hit 28 suddenly you look around and you’re the only single girl left at the poker table. Your friends are getting married, having kids or buying homes. There is this inane pressure that if you’re not doing that your failing, which as you get more life experience under your belt, you soon realize is not true at all.
For a minute there, I was ready to settle, to give up what I had been working for and just take the job because it is good money. But it was more of a gamble than a settlement. I thought to myself, “If you take this job for the next couple years, will I ever be able to still be doing what I loved or will I have to settle and keep doing this job for the rest of my life.” The thought made me realize I’m not old at all, I’m just in a different place in my life than I was when I was 23 and I charted out this map for myself. I don’t have the same affinity to please my parents anymore. I’m in a different place after spending 5 years with FML. I’m in a different place after moving last month. I don’t see the map anymore it’s more like I see what’s in front of me, I’m just not there yet. I feel like I’m young and fresh into the new stage of my life, leaving behind an old version of myself.
My hope? This translates into my dating life as well. As much as a piece of my heart will forever by FML’s, I know there is going to be someone else in my future who will be part of the new stage, maybe it will be more than one relationship, maybe I’ll never get married or have a family but for once I can say, I’m excited for the new stage.
I watched Beyonce’s documentary a few years ago, in it I remember her saying “Eventually you look back and all the little pieces of your life start to add up.”