Modern Dating: Signs of Alien Life
People keep talking to me about signs, “Everything happens for a reason,” according to Dimi and everyone else.
I don’t know if I really believe that. I’m more of a work to get what you want out of life type of person, so I’m not sitting at fate’s bus stop hoping it doesn’t run me over.
I realize that online dating has presented millennials in particular with an array of choices to choose from in terms of a partner. It always seems like there will be another fish in the sea, a blue fish, a pink fish, a fish with a long tail and skinny fins. You know longer, thanks to the pandemic, even have the minimum requirement to buy us a drink or dinner, you can simply invite us over for a movie or go for a walk. The bar is so much lower in terms of dating expectations for guys than it was 5 or 10 years ago.
“It always seems like there will be another fish in the sea, a blue fish, a pink fish, a fish with a long tail and skinny fins.”Justine Fraser
One guy who shall be known as Ewe, sent 3 or 4 messages before sending, “Hey Justine, do you wanna hookup? Sorry to be brutally honest.” I replied with, “I’m not interested.” And he deleted me off bumble. And there went Ewe, a fish I was happy not to meet.
To me that was a sign. A sign of what shall not be. A sign that my standards are too high for him and a sign that his are too low.
In my opinion the guys I’ve enjoyed talking to and getting to know the most online have some rough pics, one or two where they are smiling or look cute, mostly them out with their friends, having fun. These guys have also repetitively turned out to be better looking than what I was expecting.
I went on a date last Friday with a guy without really knowing what he looked like, his pictures were mostly band pics, one was him playing the drums with his mouth wide open. He started off messaging me with a weird question, something about how many raccoons can I fight. For some reason I answered, “1 maybe.” And from there we just had a fun conversation, before even a day of talking he had found a way to ask for my phone number – he wanted to send me a song from Spotify, and after that he asked me if I wanted to go out on Friday.
It seems sometimes, you find someone who matches up with you so perfectly online it’s hard to ignore them. But what if you don’t match perfectly in real life.
He was very cute and nervous when I first approached the table. He told me he doesn’t go on a lot of dates, but so did the last two guys I had dated so I learned to just hold my tongue at that comment. We chatted, with some awkward pauses for 3 or 4 hours outside on the patio. He made me smile at one point, I don’t remember why, I know he hadn’t told a joke, he asked what I was laughing at and I honestly told him, “I’m just happy.” I was, he made me happy, it was nice.
He had a great smile, with these dark eyes you could just fall into, I guess you could say I liked him. I could tell he liked me because he insisted on walking me to my car a few feet from the restaurant. He than started doing weird crazy hand maneuvers as he talked in front of my car, like an angry Italian mob boss, he even at one point did some drumming on top of my hood while he was talking. I could tell he was nervous because he asked if he could hug me, which felt like one of the most awkward hugs I have ever received.
I had been on about 3 first dates the past couple months so I wasn’t as nervous, I was just hoping he wasn’t a weirdo.
We went our separate ways, back into our separate lives, or so I thought. I’m not someone who wants to analyze the beginning of the relationship too much and hold back, if my gut is saying, “Hey Jus, you need to go have some fun.” Then I’m going to go, so that’s what I did when he invited me over for a night cap.
So I get out of my car and he’s standing in his driveway, the song Kiss me by I think Mandy Moore is playing outside through his Alexa speaker. This might be why women stopped listening to their gut instincts to be honest. He’s all hi, it’s nice to see you, here’s another awkward hug. I really thought oh wow he’s really going for it, he’s gonna kiss me to the cheesy music but no, he did not kiss me. We went inside, he gave me a tour, we talked, cuddled on the couch, he confessed he wanted to kiss me, still didn’t, we cuddled, I eventually looked up at him and he looked down, we kissed. Sex was not needed after what came after that but I learned what his name was real quick.
Listening to my gut instinct has been a great go to for when I’m feeling unsure about a dating situation. No matter what logic is saying, no matter what my emotion is saying, my gut is saying what I really want.
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