Modern Dating: Gophers and Bears

Winter is coming, gophers…we have created a lot of terms for when someone pops in and out of our life’s unexpectantly. Sometimes, the warnings are true and they are just popping in to warm up.

FML was not the only guy to message me over the Thanksgiving break – there was 3 exes that popped into my DMs. At first I was surprised, had I posted a sexy photo on the gram? Was one of my articles circulating? What had I done to suddenly draw them back?

Then I talked to my friends who described to me what gophering is and I knew I had become a victim. I just didn’t know which guy out of the 3 was a rodent that liked to pop out of the ground to mess with my schedule.

The first to message me was Josh, a guy I had spent last New Year’s Eve with after he had messaged me out of the blue. I think Josh might be a repeat offender. We had met online two-years ago after FML and I broke up. We had a great time together but it ended with me being ghosted after the first date. (And that was probably the first red flag that I missed. ) He messaged me a few months later apologizing and called me over the Christmas break. We bonded very quickly, mostly over Star Wars. We spent a couple months going out to fancy dinners and taking our dogs for walks in the park beside his building. Then he ended things… again. Of course I got hurt and took some time to recover.

Enter Thanksgiving in Canada, a year and a bit later, and now I’m getting apology messages from him, asking to see me again. Let’s just say I killed that gopher with a shovel.

The second gopher, I mean guy, to message me was Logan. The guy from the Modern Dating post titled: Signs of Alien Life. We had worked together as reporters for a news station, dated, had sex in the office, then he moved far away… and still lived far away when he decided to pop up out of the ground this past Thanksgiving break.

He wanted to come see me for a visit while he was back home – I was happy to hear from him but I just didn’t need to bring that gopher back inside. Being single and independent as a women was looking pretty good on me lately.

Then FML messaged me.

…He wasn’t a gopher, he was a bear. And he was coming in heavy and fast after a long hibernation. I was just standing there, tipsy from white wine and smelling like his favourite fish. I didn’t stand a chance.

It was very easy for me to swipe left on Josh and Logan over Thanksgiving. I adored both those gophers but they looked for shadows and FML looked for me.

Gophers come back for a season, bears come back for a reason.”


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