Modern Dating: Article 2

Opening up your X Files is like taking out your garbage, you don’t want to do it, it’s kinda dirty and yet you can’t avoid doing it. I personally believe who you slept with in your past and who you dated in your past has nothing to do with who you date in the future, But, BUT there are times where your relationships have similar patterns, your boyfriend has a trait your ex had and you still don’t like it, but bringing up your ex with you new bf or gf is never a great idea unless the conversation makes sense to have. I spent 5 years with FML, he never asked me much about my dating history. There was once a comment about how I talk to a lot of guys but for the most part he never asked who I had slept with before him, who I dated, I just don’t think he cared or wanted to know. Which is fine because I really didn’t want to know either. In one circumstance he had admitted some personal details to keep me ensured about the kind of guy he was or was not.

For instance, in my college friend Courtney’s case, she had no choice but to open the big ugly can of worms that was her boyfriend’s ex after they adopted the cat her boyfriend and his past girlfriend had shared. She had to ask questions she probably didn’t want the answer to. Two hours away my other friend Michelle was engaged, but it wasn’t the first time. She had two beautiful little girls with her former ex husband so how could she not talk about her former relationship while entering this new one. Unlucky for me, the new one she was entering into, was with my ex from 7 years ago. Talk about opening up the ex files when you don’t want to. Lucky for me, I never slept with him so all that gets less awkward. And yes, we talked about it, we couldn’t avoid it. But I honestly don’t think it matters, of course it was super weird at first and it made my face look like I had just sucked a lemon whenever she talked about it, but quickly in time I realized how in love with FML I am and the rest just went away.

Relationships are a bit of a dance, your try to find the right partner who moves alongside you with ease, someone who can keep up, stay on time, whilst also looking for someone who knows how to dip you just the way you like. You get the wrong partner and the dance starts to look a little funny, you bring in the Ex and all of a sudden your dance looks a little less romantic, unless threesomes are your thing. You can’t avoid the X files but you can keep them closed and push them into the corner until you need review them.

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Justine Fraser
@justinefrasers

Modern Dating: Article 1

We are all haunted by ghosts.

We all ghosted someone at some point for good or for bad, we did it. We create valuable connections with people, act loving and available but than out of the blue the other person disappears. Getting broken up with by text is so common, it happens to celebrities as well, there is no immunity to this nonsense. I would like to blame it on young men being immature, but it happens to people I know in their 60s. Women of course, do it as well. But from personal experience the only time I have done this is when a guy got too creepy. When it comes to exes, I’ve personally never ghosted any of them, we just stop talking to each other because we broke up but I would say I’ve been blessed with some healthy breakups, and am still friends with a few, not in regards to Alexander, he is a totally different story.

Ghosts are out walking the streets amongst us, right next to you could be a ghost. So how do we navigate this new dating graveyard, how do we avoid being a ghost or being haunted by one. Cell phones have complicated dating in ways your parents will never be able to help you with. With the rise in popularity to texting rather than calling, it has become more common to have a few ghosts in your phone. I have two Matts in my phone, I lost track of which is which, but one is this great guy I really liked who ghosted me, the other I have zero idea, probably someone I ghosted. One of my girlfriends is like just text him, you never know, maybe he feels silly texting you too. But I don’t know which one he is, I responded. Well text them both she said, What? So I can look stupid and be ghosted by two people rather than one? And that’s when it hit me how hard dating in 2021 had really become.