Modern Dating: Article #7
Writer: Justine Fraser
Ontario and my heart are both on lockdown. Until they can get their shit together, they need to stay home.
Something I’ve learned recently is that time has a way of unveiling to you how romantic your relationship with someone really was. Little things will trigger you to remember moments between the two of you that you usually never thought about. Remembering how we acted before the pandemic made me realize how much those moments changed over time. He went from holding my hand over the dinner table at a fancy restaurant to eating dinner while watching tv night after night. We went from weeklong vacations away just us- to weeks after weeks of being alone in an apartment. We went from seeing the best in each other to seeing each other at our lowest.
There is no road map or books about how couples can get through the pandemic, they just make their way through and hopefully you will end up stronger on the other side. Or you’ll be like me and become stronger on your own, you’ll learn to trust yourself in ways you didn’t think you had to, you’ll learn to take your time with decisions, to not let the pandemic rush you or slow you down.
You know that Taylor Swift lyric – “Boys only want love if it’s torture.” FML made me believe it, no matter how much I gave or towards the end gave up for him, he didn’t see it. It isn’t that it didn’t matter to him, it’s that he didn’t see it. To really understand FML and mine’s 5 year relationship you need to know that every once in awhile we breakup, get back together (this is not one of those times…I hope.) And during the breakup, the days on end where I won’t message him, won’t give him what I used to, that’s when he comes back because that’s when he sees it. He seems to be short sighted though because he never remembers the things he promises me when we do get back together. Hence the torture part for me.
The more I talk to my friends though, the more I realize I’m not the only one feeling tortured. My friend Courtney’s divorce had started to enter an ugly stage. Their 10 year relationship was insignificant to him now, I knew that pain would be unbearable for her as it would be too many women. Men seem to write off their previous relationships, call the women crazy so they don’t have to explain the pain they caused, they seem to always walk away unscarred while us women always come out with a chip on our shoulder.
Why is it that men move on so easily? Or is it all just an act?